Faith Crisis : Should I Stay or Should I Go?
Power in the Pause
The first few steps on a faith journey may feel terribly unpleasant and disorienting. It may look like a knotted stomach or tightness in the chest. It may feel like sadness, confusion, anger, anxiety or depression. In the intensity of those moments, it may truly feel like your faith is in crisis.
Many earnest seekers, not knowing who to turn to, search the internet for answers. Google may provide temporarily relief and validation, but it may also compound the confusion. Search results might include idioms such as “the shelf broke” or the “rug was pulled out from under my feet.”
In this moment when you may be questioning, ‘should I stay or should I go,’ when it feels the ground has fallen from under you, I would like to offer that there is great power in the pause.
Still your mind.
Breathe.
Feel.
Allow yourself to experience the feelings, all of them. Let the sadness, the anger, and the grief exist in your body. Don’t push them away, lean into them. The feelings will crest like an ocean wave, and then gradually pull back, leaving increased peace in their wake.
Right now you may feel this an imminent crisis that must be acted on, but in actuality, it is the beginning of a journey. Breathe. You don’t have to make any decisions today. And, you can continue to make decisions each day. Let go of the outcome. Trust.
Preparing for the Journey
If you knew you were going to embark on a strenuous physical journey next month, how would you prepare- Physically? Emotionally? Mentally? Spiritually?
I would encourage you to take the mental and emotional energy that has been invested in your faith ruminations and temporarily redirect it toward preparing yourself to be in the best shape of your life as you embark on your faith journey. (You can come back to your questions later.) Take a personal inventory:
How is your mental health? Emotional health? Spiritual health? Physical health? How can you best support yourself in these areas? Below are some tools that have been valuable for my health in my journey. Find tools that work for you to become the best version of yourself, and make them a part of your daily life.
1- Exercising daily- Movement is so important for not only my physical well being, but also my mental and emotional well being.
2- Meditating- Learning about meditation and developing a regular practice has helped me learn to get to a still point.
3- Learning about emotional resilience, healthy communication patterns, and self awareness of thoughts feelings, and behaviors. Thoughtful books and podcasts have changed me.
4- Finding ways that work best for me to connect with God. It has been so important for me to feel God in my life and to know that He loves me. It has been important for me to know His character.
5- Getting sunshine and fresh air, especially in the mountains.
6- Fueling my body with healthy food and water.
7- Seeking support from therapists, coaches, and trusted friends.
Once you feel confident you are beginning your journey from a place of strength and an open heart, it can be helpful to do some excavating to check on your spiritual foundation. How deep do the cracks run? How deep do you need to start digging? (For example, do you know that God lives and loves you? Do you believe in Jesus Christ and His atonement?) This excavation process can help you to identify the current direction and focus for your journey.
As you excavate, pull out beliefs and patterns one at a time, Mari Kondo style, and feel whether they still serve you and bring you closer to God. If you are uncertain, about something, let it be ok to not know for now. I believe this type of self authoring invites us to look at what resonates with our spirit and to take ownership of our own testimonies. It can lead to a much deeper and more spirituality. In a 2022 talk at the Restore Conference in Salt Lake City, Jared Halverson said, “If you care about the spiritual life that you want to live, it’s worth pulling out and starting over if you need to … You have an opportunity to rebuild with things far better than your original construction.” As you do this, look for resources and communities to support you in your journey. I have compiled a list of resources that have been helpful to me and to others in our journeys. Click here to access the list.
You are not alone, there are many walking this path. If it feels dark right now, if your hope has worn thin, you can lean on the testimony of others that there is great joy and peace to be found on this journey. It will change you, in all the ways you never knew you needed to change and grow. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it. You will never be the same, and though right now it may be hard to fathom, your future self will be eternally grateful that you found the courage and faith to embark on this journey.
